Top Ten of 2007

This is the time of year when every critic, newspaper and TV show trot out their "Top things of the past year" lists. You know, the ten best movies, the ten worst movies, albums, books, penmanship, top ten most shocking celebrity moments, the top ten best underwear commercials, etc, etc, blah, blah. What a bunch of crap. Who cares what their lists are? It's all subjective. I thought Ratatouille was one of the best films I saw, because I only saw a handful of movies, most of which sucked. I think Pushing Daisies is the best show, because it's the only network show I can stomach. And I wish the most shocking celebrity moment would be that Britney and Lindsey and all those other slobs would be shipped off to Zimbabwe to wet nurse wild boars.

So, not to be outdone by all those lists, here is my list of things that I will remember most about the past year. Not in any particular order. And not one of them involves Ellen Degeneres' dog.

1. My divorce from the evil one was official. Sure, I had left almost a year earlier to seek sanctuary in my mother's bosom, (Oh, God, did I write that?), but it's never really over until it's over. And when it was really over, I drank a few shots of 18 year old Glenfiddich and sat in my apartment alone. It was good.

2. I finally got an internet connection at home. I was "borrowing" my neighbor's wireless connection for a while, and it was working just fine, too. Dammit. Then suddenly, without warning, they put a freakin' block on it. And there I was, stranded, without the internets. No e-mail at home, no Googling after hours, no kinkynunsincorsets.com! So, I did it. I called Comcast and got my hook-up. That made this whole blog possible. Among other late night diversions.

3. My daughter made her communion. Which is kind of a big deal to those of us who call the day that Jesus was nailed to a cross "Good" Friday. She looked absolutely beautiful in her lacy white dress. Although her grandparents gave her a big party that I wasn't invited to, because to them, I am the slime on the bottom of a snot trail, which is lower than the snot trail itself. More on that another time. But that's okay, because I got to see her and she truly is my angel that no boy will soil. Ever.

4. I took my son to his first concert. One of my favorite things to ask someone about is their first concert. Mine was ELO. Pretty cool, with the cheesy giant UFO that raised up to reveal the band playing "Turn To Stone." I was a freshman in high school and ELO rocked! I know, it wasn't AC/DC or Van Halen, but hey, at least it wasn't Bay City Rollers or Andy Gibb or someone like that. So I took my 11-year-old son to the WXPN outdoor concert with all these eclectic bands. And in a time when kids his age are listening to crap like Rihanna or Three Blind Mice or whatever their names are, he got to stand right up front and see really cool musicians like Fountains of Wayne and The Fratellis. He even got to meet them. I'd say he'll remember that, which is why I will too.

5. My favorite store closed its doors. In my apartment, you'll find some items, that you may think are geeky, but I think are cool. Like my monkey with a fez bobble head, my retro space rocket tin lunch box, my "automobiles of the '60's" collector plates and tin Hawaiian postcards. All purchased from the now defunct Larry's Hardware, formerly of the supremely eclectic Zern's Farmer's Market in beautiful downtown Gilbertsville. Of course, Larry's didn't carry much hardware, but they had Godzilla models and Jack Skellington toilet brushes. Sure, I can make the hour trek to Zern's for my dried beef needs, but it won't ever be the same without Larry's. Thanks, Neil and Susan for showing me the joys of needless things. Now, where the hell will I ever find a monkey mask...

6. Movie trailers. Dear sweet mother of mercy on a saltine cracker...have you seen some of these things? And most of them are better than the movies themselves. Cloverfield! Speed Racer! Iron Man! Hellboy 2! The Dark Knight! Rambo! I'm such a friggin' geek. And thankfully, so is God, because he grants us these two-minute glimpses of what could be awesome to tease us and make us nerds crazy with anticipation for a damn movie! And it's truly been a banner year for geeks like me and our trailers. I'm not ashamed of this one bit.

7. God. Yes, I truly believe He was with me during one long weekend's bout with an impossibly nasty stomach virus. I called His name many times, and it bounced around the walls of my small bathroom. And after I was through, my pants fit better and I knew He had been there.

8. Boobs. (Hey, they're in my top ten every year.)

9. The return of old friends. My best friend, Anthony (Antny to us in South Philly) and I have been friends for a long time. But this past year has seen the reunion of a wider group of gents who used to hang together like sticky pasta. Richie, Louie, Angelo, Gimmi, Dom and others all decided that it had been too long a time since we've seen each other, and thanks to the miracle of Al Gore's Internets, the impossible became possible. And now, we're planning an even bigger gathering, including Matt and Mike and Nunzio and Rocco. All nice Irish boys. Yeah, right. But those aren't the only friends from the past who resurfaced in my life. My fourth-grade girlfriend (no, she's not in fourth grade now. We both were in fourth grade at the time. Duh.) and I struck up a renewed friendship after running across each other online and now we commiserate regularly on the trials and tribulations that be online dating.

10. Live Musings Nightly. I know, it's been far from "nightly," but it's extremely cathartic for me. And I promise to write more often this coming year. It's one of my resolutions. That and to lose weight. And get completely debt-free. And to learn to make gravy. And to find true happiness. Oh, and to stop writing short thoughts punctuated with periods. But honestly, this blog has been a great creative outlet for me. I have been told that I need to be less "angry" here, but sometimes that's what humor is. It's damn angry with bared teeth and crinkly lines between the eyes. So, I'll keep writing, and I hope you'll keep reading.