Driven to tears.

Commuting sucks. I have an 18-mile drive to work everyday, and it is the bane of my existence. It's not really the distance that's the problem. It's just that it's the worst 18 miles you could possible travel. I actually find myself imagining that my car could sprout wings and fly, a la Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Which is a nice thought, if you're a 7-year-old girl. For a 44-year-old man, not so cute.

I think one of the main problems with commuting is the way people drive. You have your aggressive drivers who are assholes, and your passive drivers, who just plain suck ass. It's a lot like life. You got this long line of traffic and nobody is moving, except for this one jerk who rides up the shoulder and squeezes his way in. The cops never see him because there’s always that stupid loser passive schmuck who lets him in. And here I am, stuck in in the traffic of life and here they are on the shoulder zipping past me. And there go all those imbeciles and clueless shmoes letting them get their way in life.

I love the opening scene in Office Space where our "hero" is sitting in a long line of traffic. The lane next to him is moving, and he's in a standstill. So he moves into the other lane, which promptly stops moving, and the lane he just got out of begins to move. I can't even tell you how many times that has happened to me. But of course, I'm always in the wrong lane anyway, whether it's traffic or the supermarket. I always get stuck behind an old person wearing a hat. They are the worst. And I've heard a lot of jokes about how bad Asian drivers are, which tends to be true, but there are just as many non-Asians who suck too. You got your imbeciles texting while driving, your idiots who are clearly medicated in some way, and your buffoons who just simply believe that the laws of the highway apply to everyone but them. Oh, and the jack-offs who really believe that cutting you off, and reducing your "safe distance" with the guy in front of you, will actually get them to their destination that much earlier.

Just once I would love to see one of these morons get pulled over by the cops. I think that's what causes a lot of delays on the highway. Have you ever been in a long line of traffic, only to find the reason is that a cop has pulled over someone on the side of the road. Everyone slows down. I used to think it was just to see what was going on, but now I know it's so they can laugh and point at the guy pulled over. I do it too. Screw the long line of traffic behind me, I'm going to laugh at that asshole and make sure he sees me laughing.

Beyond the drivers is the road itself. Namely the Schuylkill Expressway. And yes, I had to look in up online to makes sure the damn thing was spelled right, which is more respect than it actually deserves. The engineers who designed the Schuylkill Expressway must have been stoned or majorly depressed. The lead guy probably lost his wife and home after a long drunken weekend gambling binge, then came into the office, all pissed off, sat down and designed I-76. It's truly an evil road. You can be on that thing anytime day or night and still get stuck somewhere along the way. 2:30 AM on a Tuesday night and you'll find a back up somewhere.

I used to wonder how people could do that commute day after day, never thinking in the back of my short-sighted mind that I might someday be one of those saps. But I do it. Because bills have to be paid and work has to get done. I really do miss the days that I could be at work in minutes by bus or subway. It was a lot less aggravating, and definitely saved on gas. Although I do remember complaining about the bus and some of the noxious fumes eminating off the riders.

Maybe I'll work from home from now on.