Miss Match: Part 2

I don't like games. I don't mean Operation or Mouse Trap. Those games rock. Although I did play Life with the kids recently and it really sucks. As a kid, it was great, because it all seemed so absurd. But as an adult, that freakin' game is just too damn real. You get a lousy job, a ton of responsibility, and I landed on every space where I owed someone money. It was the Spongebob edition of the game, and it still hit too close to home.

Okay, this post is not about board games. But head games. In my quest to meet the girl of my dreams, I pressed on in Match, thinking that sooner or later, something would click. I got more thuds than clicks. I'll call this next story:

"Did I mention I'm nuts?"

I started conversing via e-mail with a woman who seemed like she was very together. Nice picture, intelligent and funny profile. We decide to talk on the phone. So on a Sunday evening we talk. And talk. And talk. Two and a half hours later, we say goodnight. The next night she calls, and so forth. We talk on the phone every night for at least an hour, if not more. We have lots in common and the conversation flows well. Except for one oddity. She puts her kids on the phone. Yeah, a little weird, I thought, but since we were getting along so well, I was willing to overlook it. Her kids are pretty young, maybe 4 and 6 or something. Anyway, we schedule a dinner date for that Saturday night. I go to her home to pick her up and she invites me in...to MEET THE KIDS! Okay, that's a bit much for a first date. I have to feel pretty damn comfortable with someone to introduce the kids, and it especially wouldn't be on the first date. Actually, the kids haven't met anyone I've dated yet. I've come close, but it hasn't happened. I know it will, but for obvious reasons, I'm very protective. (You know, the whole "my stepmother was a creature from hell," thing I put them through.)

Okay, so I meet the kids and the sitter, and off we go to dinner. We're hitting it off. She's cute, and she seems to feel the chemistry. She takes my hand during dinner. She cuddles up in the car afterwards. In other words, she's putting the signal out that she's into me. I take her home, the kids are still up. She goes to put them to bed and calls me upstairs, because the kids WANT TO SAY GOODNIGHT! Now I'm really weirded out. This is really too much. Well, after a nice goodnight, we agree to talk the next day and see each other one night the following week. Again, I'll overlook the kid thing, because she was nice, and there was chemistry. Although maybe she needed chemistry of a different sort and her presciption was low. Because...

I call her around 5 PM on Sunday and leave a message. She calls back at 11 PM with this excuse for not getting back to me sooner: A former boyfriend texted her during the day and she's been on the phone with him for a while. I asked why she felt the need to tell me that, and she explained that she didn't want to hide anything. Okay, fine. But then, when I ask about going out again, she tells me that she didn't think we were a good match, and she wasn't sure about getting together again...WHAT? After all that?? (which is exactly what I said. Then just told her I was tired and we'd talk tomorrow.) Maybe her kids didn't like my jokes...maybe her sitter didn't like what I was wearing...maybe she's FREAKING NUTS!

The next day, I get an e-mail from her saying that she was looking forward to talking again! Oh my dear sweet Lord. The red flags that were already raised are now searing my brain with their crimson flames. It's as if the Amityville house is yelling in my head, "GET OUT!"

I got out. Told her that she needs to figure out what she wants, and it ain't gonna be me. That's the end of that.

Sorry, gotta run now, I'm hungry. Reminiscing about unbalanced minds often does that to me.