Face the Book.

So, I took a little time off from writing the blog. Sorry, I have no excuse. I could come up with a whole bunch of them though. You know, the holidays, writer’s block, laziness, procrastination, loss of limb, the heartbreak of psoriasis, a nasty cold, a puma ate my Mac, preparing class lessons, making sure my Mogwai doesn't get wet, etc. Screw that. I’m just gonna say that I’m back and I’m writing again. So there it is. And here I go.

Okay, maybe there is another excuse. It’s called Facebook, and I’m addicted to it. For those two or three people out there who don’t know what it is, it’s a social networking website than puts you in touch with people you see and talk to everyday, those you haven’t seen or heard from in years, some you might have forgotten completely, people you have never met but know from being in the ad business for so long, or people you have never met, don’t know at all, but somehow have the same friends, and they sent you a friend request and as everyone knows, the more friends you have, the cooler person you are, so you add them to your friend list. And it’s all pretty cool.

The thing is, it is addictive and I find myself checking it as much as I check my e-mail or my nose to see if anything nasty is hanging out of it, which I do really often. Probably too often. And I find myself intrigued by what’s going on in people’s lives more than what’s going on in my nose. So much so, that real news is often pushed to the farthest reaches of my interest. I had no idea there were huge disastrous fires in Australia, but I knew what I guy I went to high school with had for dinner the other night. Sure, the economy is in the shitter, but I take comfort in knowing that some woman I worked with in another lifetime made her husband shovel the driveway. I couldn’t tell you who Obama chose for his cabinet, but I can tell you the name of a dog owned by a guy who knows someone who knows someone who worked with someone I worked with at an agency 14 years ago.

It’s all very distracting, which isn’t always such a bad thing. Being distracted by things on the Internet, such as games porn or social networking sites, is a nice break from the stress of everyday life. If I’m feeling totally out of control, I can check on Facebook and find out that someone else’s life is pretty damn out of control too. People’s status postings are like little windows into who they are and what they’re thinking or doing. And as the voyeur that I am, it’s all very intriguing. The more frequent the the post, the more minute the details they give. And yes, even I admit that it can get a little annoying at times, and probably a bit narcissistic. When someone posts that they’re on the train to New York and then an half hour later post that they’re in New York and then another half hour later to say that they’re eating a corned beef sandwich in the East Village, honestly, that’s a bit much even for me. I’m glad your life is so very exciting and jet-setting, but can’t you just say that you’re going to New York for the day and you’ll be back later with a stomach full of Jewish deli meat, and call it a day? I actually prefer to post more generic status updates, such as “Steve can get you a toe,” or “Steve can make the sun rise, sprinkle it with dew…” So while I’m getting insights into everyone else’s lives, they’re getting movie dialogue and lyrics from cheesy musicals of the ‘70s.

But it’s also fun to think about some of the people I’ve crossed paths with over the years and find out they still actually have lives. Before Facebook, it was kind of the “out of sight, out of mind” thing. If you haven’t heard through the grapevine that they’ve died, then you always just assume they are out there somewhere doing something with someone for some reason. And before they became my friend on Facebook, I didn’t care who, what or where they were doing what they were doing. Now I kinda do. Maybe my life is just too friggin’ sad and empty.

There were plenty of times I would do the “whatever happened to…” quiz with friends I’ve stayed in touch with over the years. And the answer used to be, “I dunno, last I heard he was married to a trucker in Ohio.” Now, if that person is on Facebook, when the “whatever happened to…” thing comes up, I can answer with a resounding, “He bought a ferret for his daughter and it bit him in the nads!” Awesomeness.

Then there are the pictures that people post. It’s nice when you can see what someone is up to with photos. But do there have to be so many photos of people at bars, holding a drink, giving the peace sign and sticking their tongue out? I would hold those pictures back and keep them from public display. The web has become the breeding ground for public disgrace, just ask Michael Phelps. (Yeah, I heard that news. Someone posted it on Facebook.) Based on some photos people post, I’m assuming they have no plans to run for political office or land in the public spotlight any time soon. The pictures of people’s kids are cute and fun, and that’s the kind of photos I usually post. In fact, I have no photos of me, other than my profile pic. Honestly, I don’t mind looking at you, but there’s no need to subject you to my face. If you’re really that interested in seeing me on vacation or hanging out with friends, I’ll be happy to send you a photo. Just ask. Although next time I’m in a bar, making a peace sign and sticking out my tongue, I’ll be sure to slap in it in my photo album for ya.

Apparently, in a lot of social circles these days, it’s very much the in-thing to ask someone if they’re on Facebook, as much as asking what you do for a living or where you get your hair done. I don’t really run in these circles. In most of the groups I find myself around, the questions are usually more like “Did you fart?” or “Does this look infected to you?” The whole Facebook phenomenon definitely has its fans and you know when you are in the presence of people who might be part of that. And it’s also pretty easy to decide who you want to find your profile and who you don’t. Sorry, if you pop your collar, I’m ignoring your friend request.

So, anyway, yeah, I’ve been hanging a lot on Facebook. And I’m not ashamed of it. I have lots of friends, old and new, from just about every time in my life. And it’s nice seeing them again. Even if it’s only to read about how a guy I had an economics class with in college is getting ready for a dentist appointment. Oh well, at least I know he didn’t get a sex change and move to Miami, even though that’s what I had heard before Facebook.